Things I Wish I Knew Before Dating While Living Overseas

As a three-time expatriate who has personally experienced the highs and lows of living abroad—and witnessed other Americans navigating dating and relationships overseas—these are some of my universal findings. Whether it’s cultural confusion, romantic whirlwind, or hard-earned clarity, these lessons aren’t just personal… they’re powerful.

If you’re considering life abroad or already out there navigating love in a foreign land, here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner.

1. Chemistry is Not a Green Flag

Yes, sparks can fly fast when you're in a new environment. But excitement isn’t always a sign of alignment. Just because someone is drawn to your “foreignness” doesn’t mean they truly see you. Pay attention to how they treat you when the novelty wears off.

2. Boundaries Are Universal—Respect is Too

It doesn't matter what country you're in—your personal boundaries don’t become optional just because you’re adapting. If someone makes you feel guilty or “too American” for having standards, that’s a red flag, not a cultural quirk.

3. Culture is Not a Cover for Control

There’s a fine line between appreciating culture and excusing toxic behavior. Just because something is “common” or “normal” locally doesn’t mean you have to accept it—especially if it makes you feel small, controlled, or unsafe.

4. Build Your Safety Net First

Before falling into a relationship or isolating with someone new, make sure you have your own community. Know who you’d call in an emergency. Stay connected to people who have your back. It’s not just practical—it’s powerful.

5. Don’t Romanticize Red Flags

Sometimes, being far from home can make you crave deep connection quickly. But when someone’s rushing things, discouraging your independence, or making you second-guess yourself—it’s okay to take a step back. Peace > passion.

6. Be Financially and Emotionally Grounded

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen is becoming too financially or emotionally dependent too soon. Keep your autonomy. Understand your visa. Maintain your own accounts. Independence isn’t cold—it’s smart.

7. Your Intuition Doesn’t Expire at the Border

It’s tempting to question yourself in a foreign environment, but your gut instincts still work—no passport required. If something feels off, slow down. Don’t let new surroundings silence your inner voice.

Final Thoughts

Living and dating abroad can be enriching, romantic, and full of growth—but it’s not without its shadows. I’ve seen and experienced situations that reminded me why self-trust, safety, and self-love have to be packed alongside your passport.

Let these reflections be a guide—not to scare you, but to empower you. Because no matter where you go, you deserve to feel respected, safe, and whole.